Sometimes

Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm thinking, or whether or not it matters, or whether or not in ten years I'll still be here or if what I'm thinking now will matter to me or anyone else ten years or even one year or a month or a day from now. Sometimes I wonder if I really wonder or if I'm just trying to convince myself that it matters. Sometimes I think that I've screwed up and will be indelibly denied the truest satisfaction. But sometimes I just don't care. Because sometimes it seems enough to be happy for the moments that you have, regardless of whether or not these moments will last for as longs as you might like them to. So the hell with it. And who wouldn't choose the short-term happiness over the undeniable failings that we will all have to face one way or another? Who wouldn't choose to be blind to all realism by embracing realism itself? I find satisfaction in knowing that I will, ultimately, be satisfied that I have chosen what I have. And I find my happiness in knowing that I can be satisfied with that. And I am happy, as much as a truly realistic and pessimistic person can be. What more can we ask for? In a world where everything seems to work against us, isn't it nice to know that we can be happy? At least sometimes. I live and breathe in those "sometimes," and to anyone who doesn't believe that they exist, I can tell you from experience that they are few and far between, but they are real and they are attainable. And they are beautiful. It is so good to be happy sometimes.